mismatched Libido or Sexual Desire DISCREPANCY

Because couples often have different levels of desire.

Let us begin by saying very few couples have the same level of sexual desire. Knowing that may provide some comfort. But, it probably does not provide a solution to the arguments, isolation, shame, and hurt that has possibly entered your relationship due to desire discrepancy or mismatched libido. We know that this topic creates a lot of frustration and hurt for couples. But, we can help you walk through it. Together, we can find a resolution that both you and your partner are happy with. Before we discuss what we can do to help couples experiencing sexual desire discrepancy, let’s take a closer look at what desire itself means. 

what is Desire and How does it work?

Desire is experienced in different ways from person to person. To best understand how people experience desire, we need to discuss the difference between spontaneous desire, responsive desire, and context-dependent desire.

As we describe the difference in these three types of ways that people experience desire, you will likely identify which category you fall into rather fast. But, it is very important for you to know that all types of desire are normal and healthy. One is not better than the other. You and your partner may experience desire in different ways. But, this does not mean you’re destined to be unhappy.

Spontaneous Desire:

This is the “common” narrative of sexual desire. It makes up for how 75% of men and 15% of women experience desire. This type of desire usually occurs in anticipation of pleasure. Or, it occurs in response to sexy stimuli (i.e. partner getting undressed; a stimulating thought)

Responsive Desire:

This type of desire emerges in response to pleasure and occurs when people notice that they want sex after sexy things have already happened. It makes up for 5% of men and 30% of women. This can include things like the environment feeling warm, seductive, and arousing. Or, it can happen from a date night that led to an emotional connection between you and your partner.

Context-Dependent Desire:

This category of desire makes up the remainder of the population. Context-dependent means there are specific external circumstances and internal factors that need to be at play for the desire to occur. This may mean a to-do list needs to be complete and kids have to be at their grandparents. Or, it may mean the body is functioning well and stress levels are low.

Overcoming mismatched libido:

Now that you know that there are different ways that people experience desire, let’s take a quick look at other factors that could be impacting desire. There are quite a few things that could be impacting your sexual desire and creating challenges in your sexual functioning.

A few examples of things that impact desire include:

When we begin counseling, we will be sure to assess all areas of your life to make sure we have a clear picture of what may be impacting your sexual desire. 

What now?

Since you are now an expert on sexual desire, you may be wondering, what’s next?  Schedule an appointment with a therapist at Emma Schmidt & Associates and begin breaking down barriers and increasing communication surrounding your sexual desire.

As sex therapists, we can help you understand how you experience desire. Together, we can teach you how to communicate your needs with your partner. Desire discrepancy does not mean your relationship is at a dead end. In fact, learning about how you experience desire can be the beginning of an exciting road to sexual enjoyment and fulfillment. 


Begin Sex Therapy for Mismatched Libido and Sexual Desire Discrepancy in Cincinnati, OH, Indiana, and Kentucky…

The caring therapists at Emma Schmidt and Associates want to help you and your partner enjoy having a healthy sex life and overcome the challenges associated with mismatched libido and desire discrepancy. To begin counseling in Cincinnati, OH, or online therapy in Ohio or Kentucky, follow these steps:

  1. Contact Emma Schmidt and Associates to request a free consultation.
  2. Meet with a sex and relationship therapist online or in our office in Cincinnati.
  3. Begin counseling and work towards having a great sex life.

Other Counseling Services Offered at Emma Schmidt and Associates:

The therapy team at Emma Schmidt and Associates specializes in offering high-quality sex therapy. But that’s not the only therapy service they provide at the Cincinnati counseling clinic and online. In addition to sex therapy, our therapists treat general mental health and relationship concerns. We treat many different sexual concerns including sexual pain and erectile dysfunction, and we offer anxiety treatment, depression treatment, sexual trauma treatment, trauma and PTSD treatment, EMDRrelationship and couples therapy. and affair recovery counseling. Additionally, our therapists provide online therapy in Ohio and online therapy in Kentucky. Contact our office to learn more about the many ways our team of skilled clinicians can help you thrive.