Ever wonder what it would be like to try out a sex club?
Have you ever heard of sex clubs or swinger clubs? Maybe you have heard of others attending a sex club or a swingers club and think, “What does that mean? Do I have to participate?” Many people wonder what a sex club is like, but may be too scared to try one due to not knowing what to expect. If you are curious, then you may want to continue to read this blog.
What are sex clubs and what should I expect?
Sex clubs are defined as attending a place where the common theme is around sex, fetishes, and exploring different types of sexual play. The easiest way to locate these clubs is through a google search. There are typically reviews of each place to see what may spark your interest.
There are a couple different types of “sex clubs” that I will highlight here, from my own experience. One type is where couples and singles can attend together. It looks like a traditional club in a building or strip mall. There is a cost difference based on male, female, single, couple, local, or non local. The cost ranges from $30-$300 (or can be more if you get invited to exclusive clubs or gatherings). They will always ask for your driver’s license. You generally are offered a tour if it is your first time, which helps you understand different areas of the club and expectations of each area. This is helpful in gaining insight into the nuances of the club and how it operates. There is usually a typical “bar” area that houses drinks, pool tables, and music. Some of the sex clubs do not serve alcohol as they want to ensure safety of their customers. There are specific areas that accomodate different types of play like a dance pole or BDSM room. Chances are there will be something there that will interest you.
Another type of club I experienced is called a swingers club where only couples are allowed. Note: you do not have to label yourself as a swinger in order to attend these clubs. It’s all about the exploration of intimacy. You will be greeted with waivers and will show your driver’s license. The waivers are to outline some of the rules like no phone use, anonymity, and not utilizing the place for advertising or “recruiting.” The host offers a tour, which typically looks more like a house in the suburbs than a club in a strip mall. At the swingers club, it is common to bring your own drink of choice in a small cooler, which they check when you sign in.
There are different areas and rooms that offer experiences including a bar area, dance floor, couples play lounge, BDSM room, private rooms, pool, and hot tub. In this particular swingers club there was a BDSM monitor that offered demonstrations for couples and would coach them on different techniques and play instruments. The monitor also helped the couple navigate boundaries with BDSM. This allowed people to explore in a safe manner. There was a room with a sex chair which offered demonstrations to show a couple how to use it. This room allowed for the door to be open or closed, depending on the comfortability of the couple. The atmosphere was inviting, comfortable and educational.
Different clubs have different atmospheres. In the types of clubs I experienced, you will find a dance floor and bar type setting, where people can mingle as if they were in a regular bar. Sometimes in these areas you will see porn being played on the TV. You will see plenty of couches, tables, and several play rooms. The play rooms vary as some are set up for couples, with windows or an actual door that can either be open or closed. This invites others to watch if that is what the couple would like. The couple can also invite someone watching to join them and only if the invitation is given can others join. Some rooms have more couple play or larger orgy rooms with larger beds to invite those who want to participate in group sex. Some rooms are more open and others are more closed off, this is to suit your level of comfort.
Common things you will see are beads hanging down as it gives the feeling of some privacy, but also allows voyeurism. You will also see many couches and beds that can be played on. There are usually some sort of BDSM rooms with chains, rope, and chairs. Some places have other themed rooms as well with decor and lighting. Lighting was low enough to be sexy, but not too low that you felt unsafe. It seems there are lots of different options to suit different desires and wants, yet also providing different levels of comfortability.
The experience of a sex club allows people to be vulnerable and to explore. The employees of the sex clubs and hosts take that very seriously. They have people all throughout the club to monitor the safety of their customers. This was what I experienced and observed in these two different clubs. One place had a group of women in a bachelorette party and were overheard laughing in an area of the club where others were being intimate. They were promptly asked by employees to see the club manager who addressed the behavior with them and explained why this was not acceptable. The women understood, apologized and were able to continue based on the behavior change. There were also some members talking to other members in an uninviting way that were also sent to the manager, which explained how to treat others in the club or they would ask them to leave or call the police. Another safety aspect in the swingers club was the BDSM area where they employed a monitor who made sure those using that area were appropriate and respectful.
In a world of a pandemic, another safety aspect is cleanliness. During the tour, they explain how to show if you’ve used the area so employees can clean the area after use. Sometimes that means leaving the corner of the sheets up to indicate that bed was used or towels laying in the area. Either way, they have employees stationed to monitor rooms that are being used and will clean after people who have utilized those areas. There are also areas that have condoms, lube, sanitizer, towels, and cleaning supplies.
Exploring your own sexual feelings…
The thought of going to a sex club can be anxiety provoking. Just know that it is a place for people who want to explore their own sexual boundaries in a safe space, have sex openly, watch others have sex, and gain insight into different types of kink. Sex is something that is on a massive spectrum that is highly personalized to each individual person. Going in with an open mind, yet paying attention to how you are feeling is important. This will be a good guide when attending for the first time. Notice your feelings and thoughts when you are in these environments. Do you have biases or judgments? Engaging in these clubs gives you good experience in identifying if you want to bring your fantasies into reality or leave them as is (which is also completely okay)!
How Therapy Can Help?
If you are interested in trying a sex club, going as an observer and being mindful of what you are feeling will help guide you to gaining insight into your own interests. This can be a way to try a new experience in a non-judge mental environment. Pay attention to how you are feeling and if you could engage physically or just want to keep them in your fantasies.
How can Emma Schmidt and Associates help?
If you would like more support with conversations with your partner, anxiety of trying a sex club, or any other sex and partner related topics, the therapists at Emma Schmidt and Associates would love to help. Please reach out with any questions and let us know how we can best support you in your journey. Let us know how you care for yourself, and how we can help support you!
1. Contact Emma Schmidt and Associates to request a free Counseling consultation.
2. Meet with a skilled therapist for Counseling through our HIPAA compliant platform.
3. Begin online Counseling and begin your journey towards mental wellness, health, and happiness.
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More to check out…
The therapists at Emma Schmidt and Associates are skilled relationship and sex therapists. However, that’s not the only mental health service they offer. Our therapists treat general mental health and relationship concerns. We offer anxiety treatment, depression treatment, trauma and PTSD treatment, EMDR, and relationship and couples therapy. In addition to offering online therapy in Ohio, we also offer online therapy in Kentucky, and online therapy in Indiana. Contact our office to learn more about the many ways our team of skilled clinicians can help you thrive.